For many, public speaking is their greatest fear so we will use this as our example.  So really why is public speaking such a big fear for most?  Well when we look at it we can see that there are other more specific fears underlying their fear of public speaking.

There is the fear of rejection, the fear of failing, the fear of making a fool of ourselves, amongst others and going to the root of these are the two greatest fears:- The fear of not being enough and the fear of no being loved.

Now that is a lot of fear, but what if I told you that all of those fears can be vanquished and turned around in a heartbeat!  I can say that because this was my own personal experience and that of those I have since mentored on the subject of Public Speaking.  I was terrified of public speaking unless I was reading word for word from my notes and even then I would sill get sweaty palms and a racing heart.

One time at a meditation retreat I volunteered to read a passage from the buddhist texts. I sat in the meditation room for 30 minutes before the talk was due to begin.  Even in my very relaxed meditative state, as the room began to fill up, my heart started to race and I couldn’t seem to control it even with my deep meditation.

I since learned that this happened because of what I was focusing on.  I was thinking,

“I hope I do a good job, I hope that my voice is able to project so everyone can hear me, but what if they don’t understand my accent?..will they also hear the trembling in my voice? I don’t want them to know that I am afraid.”

My internal self talk was spiralling me into a state of fear, and all my deep breathing and relaxation was not enough by itself.  I got through the talk without a mishap and felt more confident as a result, but at the same time knew that I was still missing something.

I have since learned that it is our physiology, language and focus that creates our internal state and it was only when a mentor said to me “Take your focus off trying to do a good job and instead put it into serving your audience!”  Oh my God… this did it.  It is a slight shift in perception and it makes a radical difference, not only to our audience when we speak but to our whole lives.

It is what we say to ourselves that directs our focus.  If I am saying “I hope I do a good job” then where is my focus?  That’s right… it’s on me and that will just make me self-conscious, or if I am already confident then it can make me arrogant.    If instead I were saying to myself “How can I serve my audience to the best of my abilities?” Asking this question immediately takes the focus off me and puts it on helping my audience. If I am not thinking of myself then there is no fear! Does that make sense?

It seems simple and it is, but it is also powerfully transformative and it has changed my life and others who I have mentored. I will leave you with this – The meaning of the word King is Servant To All. When you ask yourself the question “How may I serve” in all your encounters then you become a King or Queen, respectively.

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